Introductions are always so awkward, so lets just get it out of the way. I’m Justine. Busy Mum of one beautiful boy, Aiden. He is 6, and as you will quickly come to realise, he is my world. Pretty much, all of it. I have been married for (almost) 15 wonderful years to Bill, he is also my world. I think you’re starting to get the picture. We live in Taranaki, NZ and have 1 cat, 5 chickens, 2 fish, 1 goat, 1 sheep and 1 turtle. Life is a little crazy sometimes.
I am at the start of an ongoing project to better myself. I’m overweight – I said it! I know it. I have been most of my adult life and I’m actually ok with that. I’ve always been confident and had good self esteem (thanks Mum & Dad), but about 10 yrs ago the extra weight I was carrying turned negative. It was stopping me from having a baby. A baby that I very desperately wanted. I have PCOS, a hormonal syndrome that prevents me from ovulating and makes it hard to lose weight. To be honest, I’ve probably used it as an excuse too much. It’s not a nice thing to have, but it’s certainly not the worst. Anyway, about 8 yrs ago I lost 23kgs to do the required fertility treatment I needed to have a baby. YAY me! After a very rough year of treatment (more about that later) we were blessed with Aiden. For the first time ever, after having Aiden I really didn’t care about my weight. My body had bought him into the world and I felt it had a much bigger purpose than looking good in jeans. Plus I was just so freaking happy and busy with a newborn, it was not a priority. I gained 10kgs during my pregnancy. No biggie.
Over the past 5 yrs, since then, I’ve gained another 12kgs. I let it happen – it’s a long story but taking on too much and believing I was superwoman led me to not looking after myself AT ALL. Aiden came first, my home business second, Bill (my long suffering, amazing husband!), then my day job and coming in dead last – me. Not ideal. The business, by the way, was making cakes and cupcakes (also really not ideal, willpower was non existent).
I was unhappy. I was stressed, all the time. I was juggling so many balls I didn’t know which way was up half the time. Things had to change, and they did. I’ve made some significant changes in my life over the past year and some of the major obstacles that were in my way are no longer there. There are no more excuses. Since letting go of my baking business I’ve found that I’m better at my job, better as a parent, wife and friend.
I turn 40 (and fabulous) in 2 months. I’m not where I want to be health wise. I want to be able to run around with my son and do the outdoor activities that I love with my family without being out of breath or just not being able to do it. I want to feel good. I want to be a good example for Aiden. I want to look good. And here it is, here’s the big one! Lets just put it out there.
I want a baby.
I want a sibling for Aiden. If I’m being honest the pressure of this wish has paralysed me (no weight loss = no baby) for these past five years, and it’s time to let it go. So this is me, letting it go. No more holding myself for ransom. I’ve had quite the week, with all this letting go business.
Don’t feel bad for me, this isn’t a pity party. I actually have a ridiculously cool life, in all honesty I love it. I think I am actually ok if a baby doesn’t happen (believe it or not), I feel like I have gotten to be a mother and I am so grateful for that. Lets face it, I may have left my run too late, but in the spirit of living with no regrets – I want to be able to say that I tried everything I could to provide that for Aiden. A bigger family aside, I also just want to be a better version of myself for the child I already have.
So there it is. It’s a lot – I know.
So, welcome. This blog is about me. It’s about trying to find balance, making positive changes, and being present. It’s about finding other people on the same journey in the hopes that we can help each other, sharing nutrition tips, motivating each other to get off the couch and hey, I want to look bloody fabulous while doing it.